


“Goldilocks and the Three Bears”

by twistedmiracle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 01:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedmiracle/pseuds/twistedmiracle
Summary: Back in 2007 I was writing fifty different short pieces for a fandom challenge, and one of them was this children's fable, completely reworked and revisited. Now that I am clearing off Livejournal, I'm putting it here.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Age statement: all sexual behavior in this story occurs _exclusively_ between characters that are at least eighteen years of age during the story's events, whether the story states this explicitly or not. All the characters in this story are completely fictional.**
> 
> Author’s note: I was in the shower and suddenly, I had this idea….
> 
> Disclaimer: They aren't mine, they belong to the clever Scottish lady. I just bend them and love them. Please don't smack me for playing. It isn't like I am going to earn any money from this!

Fandom: Harry Potter - Claim: The Slytherins - Prompt: 010. Woods

Title: "Goldilocks and the Three Bears"   
Author: Twisted Miracle  
Claim: All Slytherins  
Pairing: hopefully, obvious once you’ve read it.  
50_smutlets prompt: 010. Woods  
Rating: PG-13  
Genre: fairy tale meme, romance, crack  
Beta: owens_mom and 13_moons  
Warnings: implied slash  
Word count: approx 1400

*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB *

Once upon a time, in an enchanted wood, three happy bears lived contentedly in a cozy cottage, all decorated in pretty shades of red and gold. Papa Bear was tall and rather reddish himself, strong, brave, determined and very much in love with Mama Bear. 

Mama Bear was the cleverest bear in the entire wood, and everyone who knew her was impressed by her keen intellect and delicious porridge. 

And then there was Baby Bear.

“Don’t call me that, dammit.”

He wasn’t really a baby, and he wasn’t Papa and Mama Bear’s actual child, but they coddled and loved and protected him as best they could–

“Controlled, you mean.” 

–ever since the death of both his birth parents had plunked him on their doorstep.

“I’m really only slightly younger than they are, you know.”

Every morning the bear family woke at the same time and followed a careful routine, for routines are the best way to organize life, and make for a happy hearth. But one morning things went slightly awry, to the great shock of Papa and Mama Bear. 

That morning they sat to eat their customary porridge for breakfast: Papa Bear stirring in his sugar, Mama Bear stirring in her salt, and Baby Bear stirring in nothing at all. But when Papa and Mama Bear went to taste their breakfast, both were shocked to burn their tongues on some of the hottest porridge they’d ever had the misfortune to put in their mouths.

“I had nothing to do with it. I swear!”

Baby Bear suggested that they go for a walk while they waited for their food to cool, and as they were all well aware of the benefits of exercise, Papa and Mama Bear agreed and the three of them set out for a lovely constitutional.

*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB*GTB *

Just outside the wood lived Goldilocks and his mother. Sadly, Goldilocks’ father was–

“Incarcerated.”

–away, but Goldilocks and his mother lived happily together without him, though they missed him very much.

Now Goldilocks was a beautiful boy, the most beautiful boy his mother – though perhaps not unbiased – had ever seen. As such, she tried to keep him out of danger as much as possible. But Goldilocks did not make this an easy task, as he was a mischievous child–cunning, naughty, clever and eager to explore anything forbidden. 

With his father away, his mother was forced to work, and so Goldilocks had much time in which to get into trouble. 

The most forbidden thing was, of course, the forest in which the bear family, and many other potentially hazardous creatures, lived. It had taken Goldilocks a few months to work up the courage to trespass into it. But, as destiny would have it, the very morning on which he finally successfully dared himself to enter the forest was the very morning when the bear family was away from their cottage on their unprecedented walk.

Goldilocks saw quite a few fascinating things as he explored the forest that morning, but since nothing **quite** managed to eat him, by the time he saw the smoke rising gently from the chimney of the bear family’s cottage, he was tired, hungry, and a little bit frightened.

“He was damn near pissing his pants, you mean.”

Mistaking the bear family’s cottage for a human dwelling, Goldilocks rushed toward it, and when the door swung open to his firm knock, he went inside without an invitation or a pang of social restraint. Calling out and receiving no answer, he soon realized that no one was home. There was, however, delicious smelling porridge on the table. So he immediately sat down to eat it.

Being a self-important sort of boy, Goldilocks immediately went for the largest chair and largest bowl first. But he soon discovered that this porridge was still far too hot to eat with enjoyment. Mama Bear’s porridge was an adequate temperature, but Goldilocks did not like salty porridge, so, sighing, he sat in Baby Bear’s chair and tasted this porridge with some trepidation.

He was delighted to discover that this bowl was exactly to his liking. The perfect temperature and plain – just as he liked it, with nothing extra to hide the fine flavour of the excellent oats Mama Bear always used. Unsurprisingly, after his trying morning–

“Which he brought on himself, remember?”

–Goldilocks ate every bite.

Once he’d scraped the last oat from the bowl, Goldilocks realized that the bear family owned a telly. Less than eager to return to the frightening forest outside, he sat down to watch a bit of whatever might be on, while he digested his breakfast–

“ ** _My_** breakfast, you mean.”

–and prepared himself to make his way back home, hopefully before his mother returned and found him missing.

Having learned little from his previous experience, Goldilocks immediately went for Papa Bear’s large, imposing chair. But this chair was so large, and oddly enough, so soft and squashy, that Goldilocks couldn’t concentrate on the telly at all.

Goldilocks then tried Mama Bear’s chair, but it was so hard and uncomfortable, with its large, straight wooden back and complete lack of pillows or armrests, that Goldilocks quickly abandoned it and went for Baby Bear’s chair.

“Not my real chair, you know, he sat in the one I was making for Bill and Fleur’s oldest. That’s why it was so small. I’m just as big as Goldilocks. No, bigger.”

But the chair was so small and delicate–

“Not like me!”

–that Goldilocks broke it to bits as soon as he sat down.

“That bastard. That chair was almost finished, too.”

Rather flustered, and still not quite ready to leave the safety of the cute little cottage, Goldilocks decided he really needed a bit of a lie-down. So he stepped into the bedroom. There he found three beds.

“Like a dormitory. Nothing weird about it.”

Again, the boy allowed his vanity to interfere with his intellect, and he tried the largest bed first. And again, it was far too soft. The middle bed was far too hard, as could have been predicted, based on the chair. The smallest bed, however, was so comfortable it was as though he belonged there. 

“No editorializing!”

He fell asleep quickly, shedding his cares and fears and slipping into dreams.

Shortly after Goldilocks drifted off, the bear family returned to their home. It wasn’t long at all before they saw that things were amiss. Papa and Mama Bear were distressed to see that their porridge and chairs had been disturbed, but of course Baby Bear was most distressed, as his breakfast was gone and chair damaged beyond repair.

Suspicious and wary, the three moved slowly toward the bedroom, wondering what they might find.

Papa and Mama Bear were a bit focused on their own mussed beds, so it fell to Baby Bear to discover the intruder. At first he was angry.

“Damn right I was angry!”

But his menacing growl woke Goldilocks. When the beautiful boy opened his smoke-grey eyes and locked them with Baby Bear’s emerald green ones, it was as though the world had stopped and nothing existed but the two of them.

“He told you this version, I know he did.”

Baby Bear was shocked by his immediate reaction to the golden-haired boy in his bed, and he shoved a very surprised Papa and Mama Bear out of the room and locked the door behind them. He demanded to know who Goldilocks was and what he was doing in Baby Bear’s bed. But Goldilocks was so unnerved to discover that he was held hostage by a bear–

“A handsome, strong, manly bear, you mean.”

–that he was unable to speak. Intending to intimidate the boy into speaking, Baby Bear climbed into his own bed, straddling the golden boy, who now lay underneath him.

“Oh... I can still remember him that way. Biting his lips red, his eyes so wide, lying underneath me.…”

But instead of intimidating Goldilocks, Baby Bear found himself mesmerized by the beauty in his bed. 

Completely unable to move or speak, Goldilocks could only stare, overwhelmed, into the beautiful eyes of the bear.

It was an unconventional romance, to be sure, but Baby Bear made sure no one in the forest opposed them. 

“Damn right.”

And they lived happily ever after.

“This is the child-safe version, I take it?”

_Finis_


End file.
